Our eyes and minds have saturated with the violence against our men who are unarmed. So much so that we’ve become desensitized and it’s now the norm. It happens so often, people wonder what are we complaining for. This isn’t the first or the last that they’ll take away our father’s, son’s or brother’s; to leave us women as single mother’s. This norm of taking our lives isn’t something we will adjust to living. Time after time we’re asked to keep forgiving…WHY? I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS UNJUSTIFIED NORM!
Non-brown folks may feel that the basis of our anger is a made up story. Our reality as brown people is simple, we feel we are being hunted. Our sons are being hunted. My reality is that my four sons have not, do not and will not have the same experiences as our neighborhood friends who happen to be little white boys. I worry about the day when my oldest son gets his driver’s license and he wants to take his little brothers for a ride. I fear if my four little black boys will make it home from that ride. Our reality is, we have trained our sons that “rolling deep,” is out of the question. No more than one person in the backseat. If you have more than three in your vehicle, you look suspicious and have now became a threat. That was the training my brother received and many other black males across this country. I refuse to accept that killing blacks, shooting blacks and arresting blacks for sport is the new norm. We are human too. As a matter of fact, this country was built on our backs and with our hands. This new unjustified norm will not be tolerated. Justice will be served. The first shall be last and the last shall be first.
The moment we speak up against violence, we are called racist. No, I’m not racist. I love all people who love people. Not all whites are bad and not blacks are bad. I believe this world can change. However, we must teach love and not hate. We must teach that just because someone looks different than you, doesn’t mean that something is wrong with them and you are a superior. We have to decide that we don’t want our children to spend their lifetime hating others but instead love others.
Yes, I’m that female who doesn’t agree with giving shout outs to single mothers on fathers day. In my opinion, females in no shape or form can take the place of a father. Some people post on Facebook, “she was my mother and father.” Um, no. Your mother was a stressed to the max, overtime working single mother. Single mothers and single fathers should definitely get the credit owed to them for working overtime. But, why are single mothers celebrated on father’s day too? We don’t give shout outs to single father’s on mother’s day. We swear up and down that no one can take a mother’s place. Guess what? The same applies for father’s.
If you grew up in a single family household with your mother, you may understand where I’m going. I believe that no matter how hard a single mother works to be a father for her child, she can’t do it. No female on earth can take the place of a male in a child’s life. When boys grow up they need a male to teach them and show them about manhood. Those are things a female cannot offer. A boy will grow up wanting a male in his life. He will find it in the streets or other places. Trust, he’s going to find that father figure sooner or later. If he doesn’t find a positive male role model, he will eventually cling to the wrong fatherless group who is also looking for the same guidance. If it’s in the streets, there’s an O.G. waiting to be an influence. It’s not a knock on singles mother’s but children need a positive male and females can’t take that place.
On the other side, you have young ladies raised by single mother’s who grow up looking for that male validation. Mother’s can’t show a female what she needs and deserves from her male companion. No matter how much a single mother loves, guides and gives her opinion on males, females in turn can grow still searching for the “right man” to come along. How many times have we witnessed a young lady going from guy to guy? How many of those young ladies live in a household with an absent father? That’s not to say, every “loose” young lady didn’t have a father. Nor am I blaming the single mother for the decisions of the daughter. I am saying that, a mother cannot take the place of a father.
We all love to celebrate our mothers beyond Mother’s day. However, father’s day belongs to those males who guide and love our children. Those males can be their biological father, stepfather, grandfather, uncle, teacher, counselor, older cousins and brothers. Use that day to celebrate the males who positively influence our boys and girls.
When you have multiple children you can get the habit of being on the go all the time. This weekend was extraordinary for our family. No, we didn’t go on vacation. We didn’t go to a fancy dinner. We didn’t spend lots of money. We simply slowed down and enjoyed each other. We are a family with an overwhelming schedule six days a week, starting at 5am and ending most nights at around 10pm. My husband and I work together everyday but…that’s WORK! Our daily family dinner time gets interrupted often so we’ve missed that time together. We run a school together and our three oldest boys are in MY class but…that’s SCHOOL! Even though we’re in the same building, sometimes the same room and most days ride in the same vehicle, we are in a different mode…BUSINESS! However, this weekend we had a chance to SLOW DOWN!! It’s not often where our schedule doesn’t consist of sporting events all weekend. My husband is the Head Coach of two basketball teams which means weekday evenings are jammed packed! He coaches our sons but again, that’s a different mode. Being your child’s coach and teacher is different than taking time and just being…Dad or Mom! This weekend was THAT weekend where we kicked back and had family time. We have always been a family of board games, especially all the different Monopoly games. We laughed so hard until we cried. We didn’t rush to get out of bed. We fell asleep in the living room piled up on the couch watching Hulu. We ate Ben & Jerry’s and popcorn and joked around. On Sunday, it was so beautiful out that we had to get outside and do a little two-hand touch football. Yes, I get out there too because I have to show my oldest that he got his throwing arm from his Mama! 🙂 It felt good! Raising four boys can be crazy most days but it has so many great times. The good always outweighs the bad.
I advise you, slow down and enjoy your family. Turn the phone off. Answer your emails on Monday. Text your friends another time and dedicate REAL QUAILTY TIME with your family. Make each day count. Laugh hard. Talk to your children and let them you care. They need us and we need them.
There’s a word that comes to mind when I think of Toddlers. That wordsl is “BUSY!” This is what happens when you don’t get dinner cooked fast enough. It’s hilarious. When things like this happen, I really believe its just time to slow down and laugh. My son is only 1 1/2 (20 months) years old so I can’t be too mad. He’s very independent and figured that I was moving to slow with dinner. He opened the pantry and reached for the biggest thing he could find, my delicious white cheddar Skinny Pop! Lol. He will learn how to sweep soon enough.